On ‘Busola Vs Biodun’ Rape Allegation: Stemming the Tide of Rape in the Society.
“Help Lord! For principled and godly people are here no more. Faithfulness and the faithful vanish from among the sons of men” ~ (Psalm 12:1 Amp)
It is a known fact that crime and evil have continued to grow in our society in leaps and bounds. To some we have ignored, some we have celebrated, some we have feigned ignorance of, and to some, we find it hard to comprehend, as the capacity of our minds find it difficult to believe that humans can be that cruel and wicked. In all of this, rape has been a silent killer in our society as it has been pivotal in the way of life of its victims. Victims of Rape (those who were assaulted, falsely accused and wrongly punished), most often than not exhibit a particular character trait that can be traced to that experience. Over the years, the society had been trying to heal those that have fallen prey to such a painful act and to encourage them to speak up. While this is commendable, it has only created a ‘pool of tears’, as we all cry, shout, and get angry listening to one story after another. The narrative is always centred around ‘speaking up’, ‘going after the culprits’ in search of justice, throw them in prison, and the cycle continues. Why we are handling a case, several others are going on, or in the pipeline.
After an exhaustive debate yesterday on various social media platforms, hearing myriads of views on the subject matter, I reclined from an “accuser- accused” perspective, to look into stemming the tide. After the memes that were made from the confession, and emotional outburst, what next?
The spate of rape will continue irrespective of how many prison cells we build. If we continue to concentrate on the victim instead of the villain, we might never get the needed results. While we go about the healing process for those that have already fallen victims, how do we stop others from being victimised?
Here are my summations:
Let’s teach our boys the animalistic nature of rape. Aside from it been a crime, let them know that it makes them monsters!
Let’s teach our boys that going in between a lady’s leg is not a trophy. So the idea of counting the numbers of girls they’ve slept with should not be celebrated as an achievement. It is such a foolish sense of achievements that gradually make some uncontrollable sexual animals.
Let’s teach our boys that the strength of a man is not a measure of how he can hunt innocent girls around to defile them. Rather he owes it a duty as a man to defend every lady as his sister. His duty is to protect and not to harm!
Let’s teach our boys that to be successful in life he must be in full control of the thing between his thigh. Never should he allow that thing to control him. Give him examples of how Presidents, Kings, Religious leaders, and various great men have been brought to disrepute because of that.
Let’s teach our boys that he should run when these girls come after him. Let him know that irrespective of their age, he should run. He should know that being a man means taking responsibility, and if he falls for that girl’s advances, the society will hold him responsible. Tell him of how Joseph flew through a window as a man, when an attempt was made to lure him to go between the legs of another man’s wife, though the offer came on a platter. Let him know there is no gold nor diamond in there!
Let’s teach our boys to be faithful and trustworthy, and to know that the thing between a girl’s thigh is not a bargaining commodity, and should not be expected from the girl after he has offered them help or services. It is not a means of exchange. He should never ask, nor expect a girl to open her legs as a repayment plan. And when a girl trusts them enough to seek solace under their roof, they should not do to her what she tried to avoid by coming to them. They must hold that confidence repose on them in high esteem.
Let’s teach our boys that these girls are someone else sisters, and would be some people’s wives, and are potential mothers too. Let’s make them understand how the whole human chain is affected by that singular act of rape.
Let’s teach our boys that the “all men are dogs mantra” was not formed from broken relationships between spouses but from the unreported cases of sexual abuse and rape. Let them know that they have a duty to change that narrative by being civil and cultured.
While we are at it, we would teach our girls to do the following:
Let’s teach her never to underestimate her susceptibility to danger. She must not assume that nothing bad will happen to her when she knows she has no way of defending herself when the unexpected happens.
Let’s teach her to avoid places that exposes her to attack. Spending a night in a male apartment no matter how related, or innocent the person may be is a No-No! She should not put herself in a difficult situation.
Let’s teach her to avoid any boy that offers her help just because she is a girl. Let her know that the thing between her legs is not a natural resource that should be traded for services rendered.
Let’s teach her that being a girl does not mean she is handicapped, she must learn some basic survival instincts. Like when she is attacked by a dog, snake, or a ‘boy’, she should not stand transfixed like a log of wood, she should swiftly think of how to escape. I have seen girls chase dogs, the same way I have seen girls harm intending rapist.
Let’s teach her that she should not be mad at her parents if they mistakenly hand her over to a rapist, they would not have done that knowingly. Let her be bold enough to tell her parents, no matter the threat the person might have made to her. And in the case of ‘Rape and Beg’, she should still tell her patents. If not for her own sake, but for the next victim. We have seen cases of one person raping two sisters under similar circumstances because the first victim did not speak up.
Let her know that no one can completely secure her but herself. And in doing that she had to train her mind psychologically without being unnecessarily paranoid. She must learn not to completely shut down and go stiff like a deer in front of the hunter’s lamp. Always make an attempt to defend yourself, don’t give the idiot an easy ride!
Let her keep the state of chastity to herself. Her ‘virgin status’ is not for public consumption, because there are boys with a warped sense of achievement, lurking around to defile virgins. To them, they are ‘stars’ for deflowering young girls. They brag about it their fellow low life gang. Don’t be a statistic in their foolishness.
The list is inexhaustible, but the bottom line is that the campaign against rape should be taken to both sexes. Parents should talk to their children about it. We shouldn’t be busy building a career and looking for money without checking up on our kids. Cases of rape that happened to minors are mainly caused by the negligence of the parents.
May we raise more faithful and respectful men and women in our society!
SaynotoRape #Busola #Biodun #BusolaDakolo #BiodunFatoyinbo #COZA #Krest #Rapist #SpeakUp #Psychologicaltrauma #EseWalter #JoyceMeyer #Crosby #Justice #VoiceoftheVoiceless
IDEDE Oseyande, a graduate of the Federal University of Technology, Akure, is an unrepentant believer in the Nigeria project.
His concern for the actualisation of a prosperous nation and the continent, in general, is reflected in his written works.
He currently runs an online advocacy platform (www.socialwatchdog.ng) where he engages the government and the people.
Among his published works are ‘What is Left of What is Right?’, ‘The Portrait of a Revolutionary Leader’ and ‘Warri No Dey Carry Last’.
He is a guest writer for several blogs and his Attitudinal and Behavioral Coaching classes has transformed many lives.