Nigeria: Cows Now Use Paracetamol, Just As Cassava Uses Detergent.
I used to be very mad with the children of Israel for being a bunch of an ungrateful and insatiable lot, until I took time to study humans in general, and Nigerians in particular.
Just as the literary Sage, George Orwell, posited in his classic ‘Animal Farm’, “Humans are very ungrateful. They will use you to plough the farm when you are young and strong, and then kill you for meat when old, forgeting all the great work you’ve done for them in the past”.
That was how Nigerians were complaining that the meat these days, especially those from cows, are always too tough (hard) to chew. Some even opined that they suspected the Fulanis for sending stubborn cows down south. This is what they felt was responsible for the ‘tough meat’.
“How can we be taking paracetamol each time we eat meat”, they complained.
As they were complaining of the toughness of cow meat, that’s how they complained too of the smell of processed cassava, popular known as ‘Fufu’ or ‘Akpu’. They complained that the smell of the Fufu linger on their palm even after several hours of eating the food.
For peace to reign, the International Association of Domestic Cows, Nigeria Chapter, resolved to take the paracetamol on behalf of Nigerians. Instead of them to eat the tough meat and be complaining, the cows will now take the paracetamol to soften the meat. This they thought, would make Nigerians happy and thank them. Alas! That was not the case. Nigerians soon started complaining of the health effect of boiling meats with paracetamol. The complain now is that they prefer the tough meat and the headache that follows, to the paracetamol induced soft meat.
Just like their animal counterpart, the International Association of Processed Cassava, Nigeria Chapter, also proposed to use the detergent on behalf of Nigerians. Instead of Nigerians to wash their hands with detergent after taking ‘Fufu/ Akpu’, the association has resolved in the last congress to solve the offensive odour problem by using detergent to wash and soak the cassava. This they anticipated, would increase their consumption rate and elicit appreciation from Nigerians.
Again, they were wrong! Nigerians instead, are complaining of the health hazard they are exposed to by that action. They are complaining that the use of bleaching agents and detergents in the cassava processing is exposing them to cancerous chemicals, not suitable for human consumption.
This has caused serious frustration in the association, as they are tired of the insatiable nature of humans.
This led to the joint session held in Lome Togo last week, where both associations resolved to leave humans in general, and Nigerians in particular to their fate!
Social Watcher, writes from Edo State.
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IDEDE Oseyande, a graduate of the Federal University of Technology, Akure, is an unrepentant believer in the Nigeria project.
His concern for the actualisation of a prosperous nation and the continent, in general, is reflected in his written works.
He currently runs an online advocacy platform (www.socialwatchdog.ng) where he engages the government and the people.
Among his published works are ‘What is Left of What is Right?’, ‘The Portrait of a Revolutionary Leader’ and ‘Warri No Dey Carry Last’.
He is a guest writer for several blogs and his Attitudinal and Behavioral Coaching classes has transformed many lives.